Treasuring Tragedy

There we were, finally in the doctor’s office for our first official appointment for our fourth baby. We were so excited to learn more about everything.

Our kids so looking forward to having a baby.

We’ve enjoyed joking about our “geriatric” pregnancy and treasured the faith God raised up in us to go for an addition to our family.

Tara was beginning her twelfth week. But in seconds the doctor knew something was wrong. Not only had Tara been spotting all week, but what she initially saw on the ultrasound was a smaller baby. She left us alone with our fears to go get an ultrasound probe.

During the 8th week of Tara’s pregnancy – because she volunteers at the local Pregnancy Center – we got to see the heartbeat of our baby. It was thrilling. And because of that we began to let people know our exciting news. As it turns out, God blessed us with one look at our baby alive just before he or she died. The doctor confirmed today that the baby likely died in that 8th week of pregnancy.

In a moment, everything changes.

In a moment, dreams disappear.

In a moment.

Moments of finding the perfect stroller, shopping for a car that will fit a family of six, learning the gender of the baby and buying cute clothes and toys and preparing a nursery.

Going to Target will be harder now, every time we walk near the baby aisle.

The doctor told us that she thought the baby’s due date would have been May 13th. That’s Tara’s birthday. It will be good to remember on that day, not that we won’t remember every day.

But, even in that moment and the moments after we are reminded of God’s incredible goodness and grace. We have so much to be thankful for and lives to treasure. We have a family that is close and who desires to know God. We have three beautiful children who are on an adventure of life, love, laughter, and joy. We know that God’s plans are always better than our own and we trust Him wholeheartedly. We are like trees planted by the living water; we have no reason to fear and trust that God will make us fruitful!

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