I hardly write anymore. Blogging – typing up my thoughts – used to be a regular part of my life, as did considering the posts of other writers. That part of my daily routine is no longer routine. And it wasn’t something that slipped away as I moved from a missionary’s lifestyle to holding a “normal” job here in the United States. It actually slipped away long ago in the midst of our work as YWAMers.
Blogging provided a community, albeit virtual, in my life. The longer I was in YWAM the less I needed that community. I was surrounded by and consumed by community while in Kona at the University of the Nations. I didn’t need to read someone else’s blog to ponder theology or life in general; I could simply have a cup of coffee at the Banyan Tree Cafe with any number of fascinating followers of Jesus from all over the U.S. and world. I could steal a conversation with an interesting player at our local theatre. I could spend an hour looking at the ocean and communing with my Father in heaven.
What I am finding that I miss most about working full-time in missions is that my full-time job was people. I did not have multiple deadlines to meet or long lists of tasks to perform. Instead, I was committed to trying to live like Jesus for the people God brought into my life or to whom God sent me. Our family often called it living love and we challenged ourselves to “live love.”
Although I know that is how I should live 100% of the time, regardless of my circumstances, it seems so much more difficult now. This is especially true as I take seriously my call to be a husband and a father. After being at work most of the day I generally want to ensure that my role as husband and father get nearly all the remaining time of each day. I know my call must be first to Jesus, and His call is to the world, but I seem to have difficulty moving much outside my own home when it comes to thoughts of giving my life away.
Lord, please give me wisdom to follow the path that you set out for me that will enable me to be free to live love. I know that is what you created us to do. I clearly don’t know how to do it and I need your Spirit to guide me and empower me through it.